If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

A really fucking oppressive tree. I' m sure after this hipsters will start wearing t-shirts with Castro and Chavez stenciled on to them for $40 a pop, because there's nothing like communism without context. While you're at it, pick up a onesie for my kid. I wonder if Castro will somehow come across as loveable in a get-out-of-my-yard, you-punks kind of a way, with subtitles. I can't wait.

In other news, Angelina Jolie recently discussed papparazzi (my God, I've seen names for obscure cured Italian meats that were easier to spell than that word) photographing her kids in an interview. I think the answer to this is similar to the call to send the kids of Republican lawmakers to Iraq under a draft -- with, admittedly, like one one-millionth of the urgency.

Proposed solution: Get the editors' names at the Star, US Weekly, etc and find out where their kids go to school, soccer practice and so on. Do this for the papparazzi (and ask them to send me a damn dictionary) while you're at it. Hire unknown photographers to photograph thse kids every waking step of their lives for a year. See how long their parents can tolerate it.

Within a few months, problem solved, fake news story (how pappa--ahh! are ruining the ethics of the country) off our radar and we can get back to shipping Muffy Tipperton off to ground ops.

More on Castro
and in case you didn't get the title of this post (with added bonus on how much Ms. Wawa loves Castro)